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What Kind of Parent are You?!? 
This article is an excerpt from ”If Wishes Were Fishes: Unlock your Parenting Potential“ by David Campbell.
As much as parenting can be fun, enjoyable and immensely rewarding, it is also a very important and challenging business. Yes, a business. Think about it…. People working on their business will invest inordinate amounts of time and energy in educating themselves and working in their chosen fields in order to achieve success. We as parents are also investing huge amounts of time and energy to be successful in raising happy and healthy children. We are constantly learning and relearning about the intricacies of child rearing and without the assistance of a formal degree or course on probably the most important business ever. Apart from a six figure income, what’s the difference? If you had the choice, one or the other, would you prefer a six figure income or a guarantee that your children will grow to be happy, healthy and emotionally stable adults? We all need to start to value our children’s lives and our business as parents just as much as successful people value the profits from their business.
A good business will always have a strong leadership, a Chief Executive Officer who oversees the running of the business. Likewise, a family needs strong leadership to oversee and guide the family to success. What type of Chief Executive Officer or style of parenting is overseeing your family? Only you can answer this question by how you are leading your family.
Parenting styles are as individual as the parent, however, some common themes run through those very different styles. As discussed earlier, parents need to be the Chief Executive Officers in their business of parenting. Following on from this theme, I have related the three parenting styles to three leadership styles (or non-leadership style as you will become aware) – Pacifist, Dominant or Balanced.
Pacifist parents often demonstrate a lot of love but struggle with the concept of discipline. These parents are generally very accepting of faults but often fail to follow through in teaching valuable lessons for young people learning to fit into their world. They will seem to avoid taking responsibility for disciplining their child if and when they can.
Pacifist parents can be over-protective rescuers and will usually pamper to their children’s whims. These parents frequently have difficulty saying ”NO“ to their children! When the children respond to their lack of discipline by expecting more and more, the parent is often bewildered and disappointed by their children's behaviour.
Dominant parents often demonstrate a lot of discipline but are sometimes poor at showing love. These parents are usually very critical of their children’s errors and can be hard taskmasters. Dominant parents expect appropriate behaviour at all times and though they are often very good at establishing discipline, it can be quite strict and can often result in punishment rather than a consequence of poor behaviour.
Dominant parents often set the expectations of their children too high. The expectation of what the child can do is often not realistic. This creates a situation where the child is set up to fail, causing the child to feel inferior. These parents are frequently disappointed with their children’s behaviour.
Equality, individualism, justice and fairness are all qualities demonstrated and applied in the family governed by Balanced rule. If these qualities are valued and applied in your home, well done… your children are on the way to be responsible, empathetic and unique individuals.
Balanced parents are very good at communicating with their children but are also skilled in delivering fair and constructive discipline. That is, the discipline teaches the child consequences for their actions.
Balanced parents are very skillful communicators. They recognize when and where discussing issues will benefit the child. These parents also know when it is best to say nothing. They know that it is necessary to let a child fall (metaphorically) in order for the child to learn to stand on their own.
These parents create a positive dynamic in the household through their communication that gently and gradually allows the child to become more and more independent and to become more and more responsible.
David Allen Campbell: Author, Consultant. With his no-nonsense, practical approach to Parenting, David Campbell from www.BusyParenting.com allows his clients to grow naturally into their roles as parents. He believes that every parent has the ability to be effective in their roles by treating children as they would like to be treated - with respect, dignity, understanding and most importantly love. |
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