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Reactive vs. Strategic Discipline – Developing a Behaviour Policy. 
Successful people will always have an aim or goal. They will set out with this goal in mind and an expectation that they will eventually reach it. Have we set our goals for achieving success in our role as parents? Most of us struggle with surviving the daily routines necessary for a reasonably sane household without really thinking about what the final outcome could be for our family. Often we have no set goal, but we muddle along in the hope that we will somehow achieve the best possible outcome. We as parents have the right to aim for the best for our children.
One of the areas parents seldom pre-plan is in behaviour management. At best they may have a vague idea of appropriate behaviour management techniques, at worst they are reactive – reacting to a behaviour as it occurs. One of the best ways to establish strong cohesive behaviour management practices is to firstly develop a behaviour policy. A behaviour policy creates a blueprint for how to deal with behaviours consistently. It is an action plan for dealing with behaviour, which is planned prior to events happening. This should always be undertaken when the parent is cool, calm and collected!
In order to establish an action plan the first step is work out what behaviours need intervention. Not all behaviours may require interventions or consequences! Sometimes it helps to allow the child to fall naturally and learn from his or her own mistakes. The best way to identify the behaviour, which may require attention, is through a process that I call Behaviour Analysis.
Behaviour Analysis requires the parent to work out what main values they wish to instill in their children and their parenting. Write a list of these values down and number them in importance. These are the starting point for developing effective behaviour strategies.
The next step is to think about the behaviours which are of concern. Right these down next to the values with which they correspond. For example, fighting may fall under the value of ”friendliness“. This will start to develop a recognition of the values that are needing to be impressed on the child and allow for value-based consequences and discussions to be developed. I refer to this as Natural Consequences - the natural consequences for certain actions reflect these values. For example, if I took the behaviour of fighting, as it falls under the value of friendliness, what is the natural consequence of being unfriendly? One becomes ignored in society and end up alone! Use time out to reinforce how it feels to be excluded due to poor behaviour but follow up with a discussion with the child as to what occurs when we are unfriendly.
Another strategy is that of motivation based consequences. As a child grows they become motivated by their desires. This strategy is particularly useful when a child is struggling to complete set tasks, for example, homework or assignments. Basically, this is a reward system, but you need to be careful not to use this behaviour as the primary way of dealing with behaviour – use natural consequences, communication skills and the one-on-one relationship with the child to achieve results as well.
Motivation based consequences rely on what the child values. As an example, I frequently use this tool to establish a smooth running morning routine with our twin boys. Provided we can get all our chores completed in time, we make a detour on the way to school for some one-on-one time at the local park.
Motivation based consequences can be effective, providing you have previously established through communication and the use of natural consequences, that good behaviour is a reward in itself. It also develops excellent habits for children’s adult lives by developing their sense of personal responsibility – they learn that some work tasks need to be completed before pleasure. This again, therefore, is really just another values based natural consequence!
David Allen Campbell: Author, Consultant. With his no-nonsense, practical approach to Parenting, David Campbell from www.BusyParenting.com allows his clients to grow naturally into their roles as parents. He believes that every parent has the ability to be effective in their roles by treating children as they would like to be treated - with respect, dignity, understanding and most importantly love.
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